I was happily playing in the safest home and the architect was none other than the god himself. It was mine and I was the only one in the entire home. I never felt the need for more space, I might have known each and every boulevard in that habitat. I got so used to it and was in complete love of the eternal trance which I was in and never did I stop asking myself if I were the God’s most important creation? For I did not find anyone else in this place of seemingly everlasting home of warmth and love.
I remember that day, It is vivid and I recount my encounter with the God. He was looking at me and was smiling at me. The smile was vicious, no words were exchanged but the communication was clear. I understood I was going to be kicked out of my home, the only place I knew of. He was there like a landlord who came to reclaim his land from a long standing tenant who refused to vacate. I did not know what unforgivable sin I committed to get this kind of a punishment, but I promised to myself and the god that I would be good. I cried. I cried. I cried, he would not listen. He wanted me out.
His argument, I had been occupying the place for more than nine months. My argument, this is the only place where I am safe. I cried, but the sound would not escape my mouth, the tears would not slip out of my eyes. Finally he held my clenched hands and promised me that he is not leaving me alone and there will be someone to take care of me. I had to trust him. But I was thinking I was the most important creation of his and was confused to know there was “someone” else. I was introduced to my Mother, my home.
There was deafening silence and there was sound, there was pitch darkness and then blinding light. I was born. Did I really trust god? I was not sure. There was nothing that I knew of. There was just chaos. There was nothing that would ensure my safety and happiness. I wanted to go back to the womb. But god did not lie. I could feel warmth around my clenched hands, the same hands on which god made his promise were wrapped around by mother’s fingers. Though only my fingers were wrapped with warmth, the love that was actually getting conducted through that warmth reinforced that I was indeed in safe hands -literally. I wanted to thank god, for he kept his words but when I tried to speak all that came out was a desperate cry for something that I always wanted but never knew what it was or how it looked like. That was the first cry, the first time my eyes opened to look this world. I was looking at the angelic face. She was happy and her eyes were wet. Those were not tears but raw love. Did I look good? Was I grump? Did I smell good ? Or was I sweet ? She never seemed to care but my birth had apparently unlocked a bottomless ocean of thick love and she was directing it all towards me.
I still did not know what I was looking for but I was good at crying. But she knew it all. Every time I cried I was having her at my service and did she get annoyed? Her actions in response always suggested she might have prayed to god that I cry so that she can take another opportunity to take me in her arms and dip me in deep love yet again. When I was hungry, she fed be ambrosia. When I felt cold, her presence around me would ward off the cold and bring in warmth. When I fell ill, she shed her tears. Each drop of tear that fell on me from her eyes when I was ill was nothing but the medicine from the heavens. They did cure me. She made me forget all about my past and my desire to go back to her womb.
One day I was on a new hand. Just the hands were different but the love that was making its way to me was same. I was scared when the unkempt beard came in contact with my tender skin. I cried, not a second later I was back in my mothers hands who was laughing at the person who was holding me moments ago. She introduced me to my dad.
This long I thought there were only two horses attached to the carousel, Me and my mother. I was happily following her where ever she went. When I looked back there was one more horse that was running closely behind us, safeguarding us. It was indeed a carousel in many ways. I was happily running in the middle with my mother running in front of me and my father following behind me. Indeed this is how god designed the life. Mother is always in front of the kid doing everything that he/she looks at. But there are so many things that are happening in the back ground that are critical for the growth of the kid which the father takes care of. There were too many rules. Never did I know or care that he was indeed trying to place each and every brick in the appropriate place and position for the house that I was going to live in - my life.
I was still young, bur could understand few things. And I also understood that God had cheated me. His promise was there was “someone” to take care of me. I felt betrayed to know that there was someone else as well who was given the same promise and obviously who had used the same home which I loved so much before I was born. I was introduced to my sister. She was happily running in front of my mother in the carousel.
At some point in time, I was not a horse in the carousel and was rather the center beam. My mother, father and sister were the horses traveling in circle around me. They never went anywhere leaving me alone. They always kept coming around me. I was perhaps the happiest person to get so much attention from three people who truly loved me and cared for my life.
Indeed life is a carousel, like the horses that come around the center beam despite the up and down movement, the three of them came around me in the ups and downs of their lives. Whether they were up or down, their priority was me and my growth. One day I was struck with the brutal reality of life. I was also expected to be the horse in the carousel and not the center bean that got all the attention.
Indeed life is a carousel, only the roles changed a little. My sister was running in front of me and was more like a beacon light. She was running happily in front of me now succeeding in every aspect of life. Like a maniac I followed her without thinking and every time I went deep down to hit the rock bottom when she moved up ahead of me. But surprisingly my mom and dad were no longer horses in the carousel, when I looked a little up they where the supporting beams that were holding me and bringing me back up and running every time I went down.
Indeed life is a carousel, I gained enough momentum thanks to the three most important people in my life. I am no longer the horse, I am the rider sitting on the horse. Just to say, a desperate rider with a thought that the horse going in front of me is the jack pot winning horse and nothing else matters in the world than to ride on that horse. A selfish rider who does not consider the welfare of those three important people who put him on the rider’s seat.
They are sleeping now in India. I am getting hiccup while drinking water. One of them is thinking of me even when asleep.
But I can say this. God kept his promise. He said there will be “someone” to take care of me. He did not give me one but three selfless people,
