Jo Barse Sapne Boond Boond.....

Prologue

Nainon Ko Moond Moond Kaise Main Chaloon? Dekh Na Sakoon, Anjaane Raastein, Harini finished her rendition to receive a standing ovation from the judges in the finals of Indian Idol. “Before you head back to your seat, tell us what those drops of dreams are, covering your eyes?” the anchor asked Harini. “I am preparing for CAT, I would like to crack it and get in to IIM-B” Harini replied.

“Vidya come down and eat your dinner” her mother was shouting standing just on the third step of the staircase that led to Vidya’s room in the first floor. “Srividya if you don’t come now, I am going to bed now” Vidya’s mother was almost yelling in the middle of the night. “Mum, it’s just 1 o’clock I will come in some time, you go and sleep” came Vidya’s voice from the floor above. At around 2.45 Vidya came down to take her dinner and the thought that she was eating a little too early than her routine crossed her mind. She had been preparing for CAT for the past two years; her mother had insisted her that she take the exam in 2022 immediately after completing her Bachelor’s from IIT Powai however Vidya did not want to take any chance and prepared for two years after IIT. She was vaguely stuffing the food in to her mouth, she ate any food just for nutrition, her taste buds had parted ways with taste seven years back when she was preparing for IIT JEE.

This year CAT was taking a different Avatar, potential Top Notch Business Gurus would touch their answers on the Exams & Evaluation tablet from apple, the iAnswer and no more online exams on some old computer systems with intel I9 processor and LC displays. Vidya started late in her regular academia. But she never worried about the time which she lost before she joined the normal school. She delivered nothing less than excellence throughout her schooling and IIT days. Her mother was so confident that Vidya would make it to IIM the first time she took the CAT and when Vidya said she finally decided to take the big bad exam her mother had already tweeted “My daughter is on her way to IIM – B”.

“Mom I topped the English and Math sections in all the four mock tests that I took” Vidya said restlessly while unwrapping a big energy bar. “I know you would do well in English and math, tell me about cognitive thinking section.” Her mother said. “Yeah I topped it twice, other two times Nishant scored the highest in that section” Vidya replied not really worrying about that. “By the way D day is just two weeks away so rest up and take care of your health, you need to be in good health to take the exam” her mother advised. “B The W, did you know I will be taking the exams in iAnswer? We will just touch the answers” Vidya said. Her mother came close to her and placed both her hands on Vidya’s disappearing cheeks and said, “I know how good you are, you could close your eyes and still mark the answers to perfection” and tears started to roll down from their eyes and the deafening emotional silence was disturbed by the call on Vidya’s mobile. “Hey dad, what’s up”? Vidya answered the call. “How is my daughter getting ready for IIM? Have you completed your shopping and all that to go to Bengaluru? When should I look for an apartment in Bangalore for my sweetheart?” Vidya’s dad asked her and she responded with blush and with irritation all at the same time “Dad, thanks for your confidence. But I am yet to take the exam”. “I know how good my daughter is, she has a vision which is not just hers and how she has been toiling day and night to get through the exam, by the way I have already bought the gift for the future CEO of some top notch company.” He said. “Really? What is that? Also when are you coming to India?” she asked her father. “I will be there just one day before your exam to drop you in the exam hall and the gift is Apple iSee, the brand new eye ball motion sensing mobile” he said with an uncontrollable excitement.

On the day of exam like promised Vidya’s father was sitting in the driver’s seat of his car waiting for Vidya to come, who was still eating breakfast. Couple of minutes later Vidya and her mother both came out and popped in to the car. “Vidya can you please close that laptop and focus for some time” Vidya’s mother said, obviously she was worried that her daughter had not slept for three straight days. “Yes Vidya, give some chance to others..” Vidya’s father couldn’t wait for Vidya to come out of the exam hall so that he could hand her down with heriSee. After some wading through the traffic they arrived in the centre. “Vidya, I am sure you are gonna bell the CAT, so come back ASAP” her father said with a huge smile.

After what looked like a decade of wait, Vidya came out from the exam hall with tears in her eyes. “Vidya what happened?” her mother asked. “Vidya, congrats on making it to IIM” her father said with his hand stretched out holding iSee gift wrapped. She did not talk to both of them and went straight back to the car, her parents did not question her and went back to car and drove back to home. She did not speak any word and she knew her silence would be broken exactly three hours from then thanks to iAnswer which starts the evaluation as and when the candidates start answering the questions.

She was watching some old episode of Indian Idol on you tube and there was another minimised browser window connected to IIM home page which she kept refreshing every now and then. At around 5 PM she clicked on a bookmarked link that connected her to Indian Idol Finals of some old season. One of the two participants started to sing the all time hit Jo Barse Sapne Boond Boond from Wake Up Sid. Vidya minimised the youtube window while listening to the singer singing her song to victory. A refresh on the IIM page took too long to revert back and after some seconds the results link appeared out of nowhere and she instinctively clicked on the link still listening to the song from the minimised youtube window, after a couple of seconds Harini’s eyes found the register number they were looking for on the screen and after an alt+tab Harini’s eyes were wet as they were looking on the screen and the anchor was asking “Before you head back to your seat, tell us what those drops of dreams are, covering your eyes?” Vidya closed her eyes and heard “I am preparing for CAT, I would like to crack it and get in to IIM-B”.

Epilogue

Jo Barse Sapne Boond Boond Nainon Ko Moond Moond Kaise Main Chaloon? Dekh Na Sakoon.Vidya was sobbing those lines again and again in her mother’s arms “Mom, I have lot of vision but I do not have a sight. Every girl my age types on computer but I am on Braille.” Her crying was interrupted by telephone ring which her father answered. There was a girl Harini who passed away few hours ago and the call was from Shankar Nethralaya

Ode to S4

My iPod was in total control of the situation and was pelting nothing less than high octane music; thanks to the genius playlist Yakkai Thiriwas playing and genius himself was building towards arguably the best vocal outro. With each beat towards the end of the song my legs were automatically taking me towards the main entrance of Bangalore City Station and the song ended just at the right time when I reduced the volume to hear the legendaryYatrigan Kripya dhyanstuff and there was a reference to ghadi number dho chey char shoenye on platform number one. Since I beat the departure time by a “massive” 8 minutes I couldn’t really encourage the thought of a sojourn in the bookstall which I always visited giving a fake hope of some sales to the guy who manned it. I quickly strutted towards S4, escaping every physical contact from every direction showcasing greatest possible stealth. Right next to the door a huge chart, courtesy Arun Ice Cream was stuck with all the confirmed names. I was intrigued with the rather Outré action of the guy who was checking out the names as he scrolled his fingers vertically upwards and with almost machine like precision pointed to a girl’s name and started to scroll horizontally to right and tapped twice and walked in to the compartment with total displeasure.

I was scrolling my fingers on the chart just seconds before the engine weekly whistled some 19 compartments away from me before it set off on its routine to relocate some thousand folks from Hyderabad to Chennai. I stepped in to the compartment resembling the guy from that tooth paste ad displaying every tooth I had, yes her name was Joshna.V.Reddy and yes she was my co-passenger. I entered the compartment from the far end and was worried the train might reach Chennai before I reached my seat on the other end and it took what looked like a decade for me to arrive in my seat and with a loud thud I landed in my seat whilst not forgetting to display my tooth. The opposite seat was still empty however a bag was there and I consoled myself that she was somewhere in the train and will be back; after couple of minutes of eager waiting an antiquated aunty came and sat right across me. Why on earth would she do this to me? She was called Joshna.V.Reddy and yet she looked older than Eve’s eldest sister. My mouth closed ceasing to expose the tooth even to my brush and paste for next 14 hours until I reached Madras.

I went inside S4 following the disappointed guy with my thumb voluntarily pressing on the volume button of my iPod and my ears struggled not longer than a jiffy before starting to process another excellent number from Delhi 6. Without much of a struggle I settled in my seat and drifted to some past memories.

She was now scrolling her fingers on the chart and with a grand smile tapped on my name and entered the compartment. With CIA like intelligence I followed her just after noticing her name in the chart. Neha Khurana found her seat assigned by some random computer at the convenient corner closest to the lavatory where she could savour the delightful blend of some organic carbon compound locally called as the phenoil with a variation of aqueous urea. Seconds later I was sitting in my seat and the timing was almost perfect when she got up and left immediately, loudly whispering “he sits on two seats”, I could see the relief on her face as she left, she did not have to sit opposite to a guy sitting in two seats or she did not have to savour the lavatorish aroma for the rest of the journey or may be both.

I was staring at the empty seat opposite to me while thinking how I stopped to take note of the opposite seat passenger’s name or age or gender. There had been too many occasions when I had disappointed other girls who came in to the train expecting to find Brad Pitt for a co-passenger and on several occasions I had tasted my own medicine when I was expecting to find a Rachel Green, I must confess it was bitter.

The entire recap stuff brought a small smile on my face and it remained there until I came back from a small siesta. With one ear still tuned to the songs which my iPod was spelling out and the other ear trying to make out any possible message conveyed by the rumbling rail carriages, I became alert and saw a pink bag hung in front of me, an unfinished cup of coffee and a book marked Bittersweet by Danielle Steel on the small stand in between. I instinctively went back to an acceptable seating position and the siesta invited me again. Perhaps one hour in to the journey at around 3.30 P.M when the train was entering the borders of TN I was suddenly wide awake thanks to the sun who suddenly started to be hot and there was no bittersweet in front of me, instead I noticed a femina positioned classically on the face covering below nose, with a ray-ban goggle covering the eyes and the duppatta was taking care of head.

I was scared to look at her fearing her ray-ban goggles. The golden rule is never try to “Stealth Stare” someone wearing goggles unless you are wearing a goggle yourself.When I was thinking there was no way for me to get a sneak preview behind the iron curtain I heard a mobile phone ringing and was sure it was hers’ since that part of compartment was otherwise empty, my face immediately twitched in to a wicked smile that never manifested in totality as she was already answering the call through the hands-free. All I could do was curse my friend who was working in the R&D division in Nokia that was responsible for hands-free design. At around 4PM, femina had slid enough to reveal the lower face which started its descent some 15 minutes back.

Whichever part of brain that was responsible to gauge someone’sbeauty quotient had already kicked in to action and was giving its report. She was beautiful. She momentarily woke up to sit back in the position she started with and did not go to back to attend the nap, instead she pushed Famina deep in to her pink bag and took outbittersweet again. She directly went to her book marked page and started to read. Coffee and book for travel? That was totally my style I thought.

The journey was getting in to that place where there will be a certain moment of displeasure and it came near the Biriyani City – Ambur. The coach that was almost empty till that point was now filled with those men who speak in a base voice and wear only white shirt and #574F43 pant. A guy who looked like a professional chain snatcher came near our seats and did a small evaluation before deciding to sit next to her or almost on her and the remaining seats got filled too. Just a couple of deep breaths would have made some one high thanks to the alcohol that was evaporating along with the CO2 that was coming out of his mouth. I could no longer take it, after all she was the girl who drinks coffee and reads novel while travelling, she was totally my type, so I had to offer her a seat swap; atleast the guy who was sitting next to me was sitting next to me and not on me. I gestured if she wanted to swap seats and briefly her threaded eyebrows curved just enough to make itself appear above the goggles which was otherwise buried behind the coolers and in the same time two earrings with danglings started to move back and forth in unison.

A second later I was sitting in her place with the big bad guy’s hands on my shoulder, “Enna pa, papa bayanduchu pola? Adhu irukkatum nee enna avlo periya paruppa?”, Well what do you answer for that question?. I was thinking illa sir, konjam kye eduthuttu pesunga romba bayama irukku. Thankfully he was so drunk that he forgot the fact that he had a question that was still open. He fell asleep with his hands on my shoulder and was weighing more than a ton. After some quality earth moving he was on the floor. We both sighed looking at each other.

The peace inside the train was disturbed by the guy who was lying down, he was eating some imaginary delicacy and was chewing something with every muscle in his face trying to move in all directions and the peace returned with a huge phhhoooooowwwfollowed by some more chewing noise from his mouth. We both looked at each other and started to laugh aloud without any noise escaping; we both did not want to wake up the sleeping beast. When I looked out it was dark and the train was crossing Perambur. Two more stops and then Chennai central. I took my back pack and plugged back the ear phones of my iPod in to my ears which had slipped out during the earth moving. When the train was near Basin Bridge,chandsifarish from Fanaa started to play and I saw her tweaking her pink bag and we both stepped out of our seats carefully not to step on the beast which was most likely on its way back to Bangalore the next day morning.

Near the exit she looked back and mouthed bye and I replied with a smile and we got down to walk towards the station exit and the song was towards the outro and the famous whistling bit started when I realised I did not know her name and I was automatically running towards S4 where the guy who entered with displeasure in Bangalore was tearing down the chart in to bits.

Bloody Moron. My iPod was playing the brass band version of Emosanal Attyachaar.

T.G.I. My Birthday :)

It all started 25 years back on a gorgeous Thursday morning around 7AM; yeah that was when I did my debut on my vocation as a “Person”. What before that? Well, my sister used to do this “What were you in your previous birth”, once she said I was a load pulling donkey and on a different occasion while playing the same game she said I was a beautiful Russian girl as if there are ugly girls in Russia. Obviously I stopped playing that game from that point, perhaps she might have told I was Martin Luther King or the bad moustache guy from the world wars or even the world’s oldest tortoise which was still alive, and in any case I settled for the “beautiful Russian Girl”.

For so long my childhood was not too happening at least I do not remember scaling Mt. Everest. I was hospitalised twice during my tiny tot days, once I was totally blah so I was hospitalised and on the other occasion I was kind of blah so I had to be hospitalised. As I was getting older I was also diagnosed with “Tonsil “. Well this I must say has left an everlasting post mark on me, while getting treated for Tonsils I was prescribed, apparently with steroids and now I wonder where I miss placed my six pack ab? I was told after the operation they would feed only ice cream and only because of that I accepted to enter the operation theatre. It was true in a sense, and when I came out of the operation theatre I realised my worst night mare was manifesting itself in the tangible world, my sister was being fed with all the ice cream. Even today my father and my sister talk about how they had to go to Aaditya (one of the decent restaurants in Madras) and eat all the good food, on their way to hospital with a small cup of ice cream, now come on – I was the one who got operated. And then my sister learns to ride a bicycle, suddenly I was on the pillion seat with my foot inside the wheel.

When I was really young only couple of things really mattered to me and cheered me, of course when the news reader in All India Radio announced the schools would remain closed due to heavy rain that did bring in cheer but the true happiness came on the day of Diwali when my father used to get up early along with me to go out and fire the loudest of the fire cracker just to see the smile in my face and the other occasion was Dec. the 12th. My mom never missed to bring chocolate bags. The year long wait would reach the peak just on the eve of 11th when I used to eagerly wait to see the bag in her hands. The happiness multiplied when I arranged the “Caramilk” toffees per colour, blue and red in the heart shaped transparent box. Now don’t even get me started on how everyone liked the red one. In 1994 though it was a double bonanza, I claimed the “Bhramachari” Status just one day before my birthday and I was upanayanam-ed

Like most of the Indians I “would” have written Cricket in the religion field in any application form in those days. I still have the memories vivid, of me literally crying when India was humiliated at the Eden Gardens by Sri Lanka in the 1996 world cup, such was my passion towards the game. I wanted to join the Indian national cricket team some day. My dad encouraged me thoroughly and he used to come with me to St.Bedes’ where I used to practice for almost three years. He had such high hopes on me and during the Initial days of my coaching he used to accompany me every day. At some point I stopped playing in St.Bede’s and started playing for a different club and that was my peak cricketing days when I set a series of personal bests in bowling and the best being 4/0 which was recorded in Indian Express’ sports column. I have a feeling that my sister still believes that I can bowl 180 kmph and that I would make it to the Indian squad. Well sweetheart I am sorry, I no longer aspire to be a cricketer. I also used to practice Karate during my school days and went on to claim a green belt after which I won a South India level tournament in Kata, immediately after which I lost my interest in Karate.

I started in a school called Sir M.Venkata whatever, I myself am not impressed with those days. I don’t mind saying I was not such a performer in Sir M.Venka blah, possibly it was because of the school itself. At some point my mom thought that I was a goner in studies because of my almost Sourav like scores during his bad days. To Saurav fans, if this helps my scores were disappointing than his. My dad used to worry that someone from the ruling party might come looking for me since I was brutally murdering Tamil time and again in all the exams. My true alma mater is Karnataka Sangha where I joined from my 6th grade. That is when I started to get a feel of what actual education was. That was also where I made some real friends and these guys are still around for me. This is also were goddess Saraswati placed her boon offering hands on my head and gave all her blessings, I passed out from my 10th class with a decent score and for those people who know my sister’s legendary performance I bet her fair and square in English (only). When I was in 12th I knew I was not going to make it to any of the top medical colleges however I missed JIPMER by a mere 3 marks. I did not have much of a confusion in choosing between Anna Univ, IITM and BITS since I did not get a call from any of the afore said colleges.

My college days were too uncanny initially but later on I got used to that flavour. I met three of my best buddies in college and one carried forward from my school. Exam days meant that all five met in my place for “group studies”. I am not really sure how much of that time really went in to preparation, but the time spent remains as a colourful collage in my mind. Like any group our group had its break and comeback etc. Even during the college days my stability in being unstable continued, suddenly I wanted to be an entrepreneur and next minute I was preparing for GRE, only to become volatile again and to think should I open the GATE and bell the CAT? For those who don’t know me I did not do any of it. I sat for placements. The first company which I appeared for was Alfon, only one gal was selected from our college and I am not a gal. The second one was L&T Infotech which I would eventually crack three times. Then my eventual company came to recruit, well this was my “gold coated with platinum” opportunity to take myself to my sister’s league. With all the blessings from my parents I would have cracked it with my eyes closed then you could construe how I did with my eyes open.

Completed my college and was waiting to join my first company, what seemed an eternal wait ended after almost one year after I passed out from college. Every day was a torture during that one year when I was at home, not only for me but for my mom and dad as well. I used to pester them about why things were not really going in my way. I and my mom used to sit in the terrace and speak for hours on several things. I used to feel very bad on my inability to pitch in and help but my mom used to constantly tell me things will be alright very soon. In one occasion the “Anti” in the next door typically eves dropping in to our conversation congratulated me for finally making it to L&T thinking that it was my first job offer(which was my third one with L&T during my wait).March 31st 2008 marked an important milestone in my life, I joined my company.

The clock ticking with its varying pace, hasty when I wanted it unhurried and dawdling when I wanted it to zoom has taken me through the trough and the pinnacle which I have thoroughly enjoyed. My mother waiting to feed me every morsel of food in my mouth pointing to the moon even today, my father who still loves to answer “which is faster, cheetah or leopard? Which is bigger Ganges or Godavari? , my sister who still sets benchmark for me and inspires me to raise my bar to join her league and friends that I can totally trust and relatives who are always there for me, life has not been “just sweet” but a “pair of sugar coated lips” for me to kiss  . My first 25 years have had both Kodak moments and not so Kodak moments but they will all remain as a beautiful montage for the rest of my life.

Inspiring The Insane India(ns) To Integrity

Well, it has been so long since I made a post in my blog. For all those who have been closely following my blog, my apologies for the delay in this post and for those who do not follow my blog, well I do not owe you an apology. Frankly I was intrigued myself as to what could be my next blog post as I was already fiddling with handful of thoughts and constantly hunting for more subject. I have a habit of randomly following links within Wikipedia, the urban dictionary terms this as WIKI LABYRINTH. In one such episode of “wikilabyrinth”ing I ended up clicking a link that said “India”. Thanks to the high speed O2 link I use the page refreshed almost instantly and the Wiki page for India loaded in my Chrome browser.

Motto: “Satyameva Jeyate” was the first information that was mentioned. Of course as always when you are randomly following links you don’t really care to stop and think on what you come across and so went the session of following links and within no time I was there in a page that was about Prader Willie syndrome(PWS). After a long “Wiki-Diving” I realised it was 2 O’clock in the morning and I had to sleep, I just closed by notebook without logging out from any of the web sites and went to sleep. The next day when I opened my laptop I saw the page on PWS and before I questioned myself how I ended up on that page I was clicking on the back button on the browser and was visiting the same set of pages in a different direction though, and after losing perhaps 4 cals on clicking I came back to the page on India.

Motto: “Satyameva Jeyate”, my eyes again gazed on this and I could hear myself saying “Who am I kidding?”. That’s how I zeroed-in on this topic. India without any argument is one of the oldest country with a well formed civilization. Over the centuries we have travelled not in miles but in light years in the direction that is exactly in 180 degrees with reference to growth. From a civilization that was immaculate to what is called the developing third world country. I wanted to get some perspective and I again gazed on Satyameva Jeyate.

There is no integrity left whatsoever with so many so called Indian citizens. In every aspect of life I can see a lack of integrity. A small “caution”, from this point forward in this blog I would be “Insulting” many of you and in some cases I might also make reference to some names. If you think I know you and you have displayed your excellence in being not so integral you should stop reading this post, thanks for your time.

For others who have come to this paragraph, you either do not know me or you are someone with integrity and read on. Let me start with the most recent encounter of such a Schmuck. I had planned to go to Brighton from Worthing. In West Sussex you get a weekly bus pass that will take you around the whole of Sussex and that pass costs 18 pounds. There is also another pass that is for commuting only within Worthing and it looks similar to the 18 pound pass. This guy was suggesting me that we show that pass and go to Brighton since the driver would not verify and he had been commuting like that for several times now. I was totally pissed off and I had to call the plan off. The beauty with the people who are totally against being with any integrity is they freely pass on the knowledge and think it’s a social message that they are spreading.

It really dis-heartens me to write about my own friends who are indeed very close to me. The second one is very common and I am sure you have done this too, using the office phone for personal use. I hate it when my friends call me from their desk phone. I have constantly expressed my displeasure when they do it and the answer they (you) give me totally surprises me. “For the salary they pay, this is fine. I am not the only person doing this anyway”. There are two parts to dissect and analyze. Firstly everyone doing something does not qualify the wrong doing as correct and the second part you certainly have a house maid and you are not paying her zillions. Would you be approving her to use your home phone when she comes to work? Well, think.

Another interesting trivia is, these kind of silly actions are from the bugger who says the politicians are corrupt. If you did not know you are corrupt too in your own way. What follows next is the best one, this one makes my blood boil. “Fake Bills”, yeah the big fat IT companies have decent policies for employee benefits. One such policy is claiming the expenditure you incur when on official work. Well this guy was literally hunting for bills from others so that he could claim it even though he had not spent it. Interestingly he came to me as well and I was ready with a big speech to make, when he asks for some bills but I was amazed when he handed out some bills to me as well and asked me to claim them since he was already having enough bills to cover the maximum money which he could claim. Feh!. The other one is where this guy who submits a fake bill to claim the money that company gives in the case where an employee is spending on reading glasses. One guy gives a bill that is totally fake and the other guy showed some integrity when he asked the optician to just raise the bill amount by 20 percent.

I do not really think a scenario where a mother or a father might have taught a child to be without integrity and is so annoying that educated people are fetish about such silly things. You guys are an anathema. If I had hurt your sentiments badly, fine, I meant to hurt it.

When educated people like you are like kleptomaniacs, people who rule our nation will only be big time robbers.

Truth alone can not triumph, we need to help truth to triumph.

Carousel - Mom, Dad, Me and My Sister.

I was happily playing in the safest home and the architect was none other than the god himself. It was mine and I was the only one in the entire home. I never felt the need for more space, I might have known each and every boulevard in that habitat. I got so used to it and was in complete love of the eternal trance which I was in and never did I stop asking myself if I were the God’s most important creation? For I did not find anyone else in this place of seemingly everlasting home of warmth and love.

I remember that day, It is vivid and I recount my encounter with the God. He was looking at me and was smiling at me. The smile was vicious, no words were exchanged but the communication was clear. I understood I was going to be kicked out of my home, the only place I knew of. He was there like a landlord who came to reclaim his land from a long standing tenant who refused to vacate. I did not know what unforgivable sin I committed to get this kind of a punishment, but I promised to myself and the god that I would be good. I cried. I cried. I cried, he would not listen. He wanted me out.

His argument, I had been occupying the place for more than nine months. My argument, this is the only place where I am safe. I cried, but the sound would not escape my mouth, the tears would not slip out of my eyes. Finally he held my clenched hands and promised me that he is not leaving me alone and there will be someone to take care of me. I had to trust him. But I was thinking I was the most important creation of his and was confused to know there was “someone” else. I was introduced to my Mother, my home.

There was deafening silence and there was sound, there was pitch darkness and then blinding light. I was born. Did I really trust god? I was not sure. There was nothing that I knew of. There was just chaos. There was nothing that would ensure my safety and happiness. I wanted to go back to the womb. But god did not lie. I could feel warmth around my clenched hands, the same hands on which god made his promise were wrapped around by mother’s fingers. Though only my fingers were wrapped with warmth, the love that was actually getting conducted through that warmth reinforced that I was indeed in safe hands -literally. I wanted to thank god, for he kept his words but when I tried to speak all that came out was a desperate cry for something that I always wanted but never knew what it was or how it looked like. That was the first cry, the first time my eyes opened to look this world. I was looking at the angelic face. She was happy and her eyes were wet. Those were not tears but raw love. Did I look good? Was I grump? Did I smell good ? Or was I sweet ? She never seemed to care but my birth had apparently unlocked a bottomless ocean of thick love and she was directing it all towards me.

I still did not know what I was looking for but I was good at crying. But she knew it all. Every time I cried I was having her at my service and did she get annoyed? Her actions in response always suggested she might have prayed to god that I cry so that she can take another opportunity to take me in her arms and dip me in deep love yet again. When I was hungry, she fed be ambrosia. When I felt cold, her presence around me would ward off the cold and bring in warmth. When I fell ill, she shed her tears. Each drop of tear that fell on me from her eyes when I was ill was nothing but the medicine from the heavens. They did cure me. She made me forget all about my past and my desire to go back to her womb.

One day I was on a new hand. Just the hands were different but the love that was making its way to me was same. I was scared when the unkempt beard came in contact with my tender skin. I cried, not a second later I was back in my mothers hands who was laughing at the person who was holding me moments ago. She introduced me to my dad.

This long I thought there were only two horses attached to the carousel, Me and my mother. I was happily following her where ever she went. When I looked back there was one more horse that was running closely behind us, safeguarding us. It was indeed a carousel in many ways. I was happily running in the middle with my mother running in front of me and my father following behind me. Indeed this is how god designed the life. Mother is always in front of the kid doing everything that he/she looks at. But there are so many things that are happening in the back ground that are critical for the growth of the kid which the father takes care of. There were too many rules. Never did I know or care that he was indeed trying to place each and every brick in the appropriate place and position for the house that I was going to live in - my life.

I was still young, bur could understand few things. And I also understood that God had cheated me. His promise was there was “someone” to take care of me. I felt betrayed to know that there was someone else as well who was given the same promise and obviously who had used the same home which I loved so much before I was born. I was introduced to my sister. She was happily running in front of my mother in the carousel.

At some point in time, I was not a horse in the carousel and was rather the center beam. My mother, father and sister were the horses traveling in circle around me. They never went anywhere leaving me alone. They always kept coming around me. I was perhaps the happiest person to get so much attention from three people who truly loved me and cared for my life.

Indeed life is a carousel, like the horses that come around the center beam despite the up and down movement, the three of them came around me in the ups and downs of their lives. Whether they were up or down, their priority was me and my growth. One day I was struck with the brutal reality of life. I was also expected to be the horse in the carousel and not the center bean that got all the attention.

Indeed life is a carousel, only the roles changed a little. My sister was running in front of me and was more like a beacon light. She was running happily in front of me now succeeding in every aspect of life. Like a maniac I followed her without thinking and every time I went deep down to hit the rock bottom when she moved up ahead of me. But surprisingly my mom and dad were no longer horses in the carousel, when I looked a little up they where the supporting beams that were holding me and bringing me back up and running every time I went down.

Indeed life is a carousel, I gained enough momentum thanks to the three most important people in my life. I am no longer the horse, I am the rider sitting on the horse. Just to say, a desperate rider with a thought that the horse going in front of me is the jack pot winning horse and nothing else matters in the world than to ride on that horse. A selfish rider who does not consider the welfare of those three important people who put him on the rider’s seat.

They are sleeping now in India. I am getting hiccup while drinking water. One of them is thinking of me even when asleep.

But I can say this. God kept his promise. He said there will be “someone” to take care of me. He did not give me one but three selfless people,